By Sunday Antai
I was still working on a different topic for this column when some young people chose to honour fathers last Sunday, during our church meeting. I thought it was some kind of joke when their president, in as respectful a manner as he could muster, requested all fathers in the house to file out to be appreciated by wives and children. It was an interesting scene. Until then, I didn’t know that that Sunday was Fathers’ Day. Now, I know. But I hope that I do not forget it, going forward.
When I got home and checked through my WhatsApp chats, I saw that my last child who had returned to school the previous day had sent me a Fathers’ Day well wishes. Part of what she said caught my attention: “I truly appreciate your efforts for making us as comfortable as possible.” That acknowledgement – and it is what every true father needs, more so, at this time when weevils have transmogrified into humans in rulership positions – means encouragement for me to do my best possible to be a father the kids can count on.
Like Dr James Dobson, I believe that fatherhood is more than a biological function. It would need a descant to do justice to this thought trajectory, but suffice it to say that oftentimes fathers, relative to mothers, are less appreciated by their children. There are reasons for this. As kids, we tend to like being pampered, and most mothers love their children a lot. You see, there’s some authority in a father’s voice that tells the kids: Hey, the boss is talking, and you better listen but kids hardly like that. As kids, we generally gravitate towards food, and it is our mums who give us the food we need so badly. Sadly, even where, unlike some irresponsible men who have sired kids, but play the cock by never being there for the chicks or the hens, fathers provide the funds for the food, the kids never know because they are not told.
True fatherhood is becoming endangered. Besides the so-called same-sex ‘marriage’ nonsense being promoted by anti-human elements, especially in Euro-American culture the age-old training the boy child gets is a key factor in this. He is taught not to ever cry: Boys don’t cry; they are tough. By such indoctrination and programming, he loses his right to be human, to whom the emotional ventilation of weeping is natural.
The boy-child is thus misled into believing that it’s unmanly to show vulnerability because he hears that is infra dig for him. He is tasked with responsibilities that demand brawn, and (sometimes brain) brazenness and bravura. And so, wherever physical exertions call, he is to answer. He must not fail in anything. He is told to be ready to provide for his family, but hardly ever is he told how to be a father properly so called. So he grows up burdened with the desire to meet the at times unnecessary expectations of society. He grows up with this into adulthood and at times ends up writing off himself for being a failure.
This temptation to being surreal is one thing fathers must guard against while training their kids. Yes, at the risk of sounding didactic like a motivational speaker on a husting, it must be noted that while encouraging excellence from kids of both sexes, room must be allowed for their individuality and stages of physical and mental developments. A father must be responsible enough to know when to push on, slow down or relax. If there’s anything he has in life, it’s himself; everything else is additional. If you don’t take care of you, who will? He should be willing to allow the wife to be herself. While providing family leadership, such guidance should be collegial.
The wife should do all she can to build the hubby’s strength by letting the kids know the dad’s efforts at keeping the home running. Neither of the parents should badmouth the other before the kids. Both parents must show each other mutual respect by disagreeing without being disagreeable. There is no wisdom in comparing oneself to anyone else, and there is much unwisdom in comparing your spouse with another spouse. You never know what is underneath that attractive frame covered by clothes. Same way, imitation can be limitation, so take it easy on yourself dear fathers. Do the best you can and leave the rest you cannot to God who can do all things. While money has its place, it shouldn’t be allowed to come between the partners.
Can I be a father my children can be proud of? Yes, I can, but can I improve on where I am now? Yes, I can! Happy Fathers’ Day, guys!